Letting Go

"Don't you want to keep this sweetheart?" I ask as I hold my daughter's fairy collection in a box. 

 "No mom," my daughter replies reluctantly, knowing that I may be disappointed.

 I sigh and place them aside.  "Honey, can't you play with these a little bit more?  I remember when you used to love your dolls".  She shakes her head from side to side and shrugs. I sigh again and place some more of her toys in the "giveaway box".

 This weekend we decided to "edit" her room so that she could have more space on her shelves for her extensive book collection (450 and counting).  This was the conversation most of the time.  I really didn't think it would be so hard to empty out all the junk/toys and fritch-y fratch-y's.  I thought my daughter would have a difficult time with it but it was me in the end that found it hard to part with certain things.  Picking up a doll had me back years ago when she was younger and played on the floor with them.  I had unknowingly formed an attachment with all the things that may have been related to a second birthday, or loosing her first tooth.  Somehow while I was busy living and being her mom, she grew up.  Clothes are different, friends, activities and tastes. {I am getting teary eyed!}

"Mom, I am just to old for this now.  I really don't play with them anymore...sorry!"  She is apologizing to me for wanting to get the stuff out of her room.  I thought I would be the one to have to say, "Sorry, this has to go."  I really didn't think about the time that would come where she no longer desired these things.  Now we are onto finding a place for an Ipod dock, a spot for a desk, computer, reading chair, and updated bedding.  Somehow this process of letting go has made me realize that she is no longer a little girl and she is looking to grow up and have that reflected in her room.  She needs the breathing room and all of these "things" were in the way.  They for sure were in my way too.  My daughter is wise beyond her years and wants to focus on her writing, her book review blog Book Jacket, reading, drawing, school, roller blading (this is a new love), and friends.  I am very proud of her.

I secretly wish that I just had some more moments when I could hear her acting out a "play" upstairs.   Then later coming across one of the "scenes" that belonged to this play.  I would always leave all  of them just as they were.  Most of the time they were set up all over the house and would stay up for weeks.  I really felt that it allowed her to really express her creativity.  I would be over a friends home and they would have their children take down something they had built for hours.  They had to put it all away.  I do not consider myself very liberal, rather conservative, but knew instinctively that if I had her put that amazing scene away that she worked on for hours...I would never see it again and she would loose what she created.  It was almost like art.  Am I a good mom or what?  I actually believe that she benefited from the freedom to create.

When we were done for the day, it was all good.  Some small objects are staying behind to adorn her space. We still have more work to do in her room and she has taken it upon herself to sketch out a design...we will see how far we can go with it!  I am enjoying her eleven years of age (going on twenty or so).  Looking forward to discovering what she loves now and who she will become.

Aren't these sketches wonderful?  I think she has been bitten by the decorating bug!  I know hanging around me...antiquing, furniture shopping, blogging, and hunting for that perfect thing has worn off on her!

~jamilyn

*All photo's property of Living It At Home*